Jillan Carmichael, paladin of Hijama (Player Post)

Jillian's thoughts were scattered.  She knew she should be planning the next day, but she just couldn't stay focused.

She was grateful that Nathan had been able to visit them that morning, though slightly embarrassed that he needed to take time away from his many pressing tasks to come monitor her.  It was frustrating that so much of what she had been doing was unrelated to her original mission of discovering information regarding golem creation.  Everything with the vampires and werewolves in Hyrule, getting the Crimson Prince's heart, the mystery of the signet ring and the Saint, Balthier releasing her on The Empress's doorstep....

Why was he always swooping in to "save" her?  She didn't need saving.  (Well, maybe that one time, but she probably could have figured a way out.) Still. She was a Paladin of Hijama and perfectly able of taking care of herself.  She especially didn't need help from a sky pirate -- a scoundrel.  She should probably arrest him, though Jillian couldn't think of any crime she had actually seen him commit. And she was pretty sure it was him that had left the roses those few times.

As Jillian wrote in her journal, she absently turned to the spot where she had pressed the first rose. She started to stroke the thornless stem, then abruptly shut the book. FOCUS,  Jillian told herself.

At least there was something on this island related to golem creation.  They would head to the monastery tomorrow and discover what information they could about the statues with souls. Though, she wasn't sure what they'd tell The Elder Brother about the key he requested.  She couldn't lie to him about it.  And she couldn't give it to him.  Not only had it been expressly forbidden by Nathan, but it was like giving a sick and perverted man access to helpless and innocent children.  Jillian suppressed a shudder as that thought hit a little bit too close to home. If only my mother had been braver, maybe she and my sister would still be alive.  Maybe I wouldn't have had to use her arrows on my own father
Jillian quickly wiped at the tear that had started to fall down her cheek.  There was NO WAY she would let Isoldor near that cathedral. Jillian took a deep breath.


They needed to figure out how to defeat him before returning. Jillian was certain that simply knowing his name wasn't enough. There had to be more to it. She would have to talk to Ni--"Perdicks" about the journals, or see if there was anything else he knew about it.

This was all so foreign to Jillian -- working real missions in real time with real people.  She had only completed her Academy training a week before being assigned to this unlikely group of people.  She had of course learned about working with non-military people, but she hadn't really thought she'd be in that kind of stiuation.  And certainly not so soon.  But it was good for her.  She could feel herself stretching as a leader, being in charge of these people who were under no obligation to follow her lead.  She couldn't simply give them orders -- she had to be a leader they liked and therefore followed.  She had to be softer and more approachable, but not so soft and approachable that no one respected her.

(what Jillian's face looks like)

She was fairly certain she had the respect of Ara'Isar and Rowena (Galandriel? Was that what we were supposed to call her now?)  She was grateful for their wisdom and level-headedness.  Also their forgiveness. Jillian still couldn't believe she had actually destroyed the staff and hoped it didn't have drastic ramifications. But she felt these elven women were truly her friends.  She wasn't as sure of the men in her party.  It seemed that Perdicks was tolerant of her leadership, though he clearly was wiser in the ways of the world than she was.  She tried not to be intimidated by him. And Gum-- "Mudder" didn't seem to hate her quite as much as he used to.  She needed to continue to exercise patience with him.  Perhaps he needed a little bit more guidance -- specific jobs to do to keep him focused.  It amused her that he thought her a religious fanatic. (If he wanted to see a fanatic, he should've been around during the reign of the last Keeper of the Seals. Holy Hera was that guy zealous.) She had only come to Hijama a few years ago when she decided to be brave for those who couldn't be.  Even now, she was fairly certain that she didn't turn to Hijama for guidance as often as she should.  And being brave was much more difficult when she was responsible for the well-being of so many others. If it was only herself she had to worry about, her decisions would be much easier.  Sometimes she longed for the freedom she saw in others.........in Balthier.........

Stupid boy.  He may be "free," but he certainly was not brave or noble or any of the things she wanted in a man.  Not that she wanted a man now -- she planned on being in the service of Hijama a good long time before settling down.  But Balthier had made her think about men in general a little bit more, and she became more certain of what she wanted. She wanted someone who generally cared for her -- not someone who used her to boost his ego.  If Balthier really cared about her, he would TELL her what all the danger was she was always walking in to.  Perhaps he was just assuming she'd be in danger because she was a paladin, but it always seemed that he knew more about it than he was letting on.  Especially after letting her and Rowena off the ship near the Empress's hiding place.  She had actually thought she might die that day, and she was fairly certain that Balthier wouldn't have shown up.  Thank the Light that Nathan had.

Nathan.  The golems.  Jillian shook her head, angry at herself for being distracted by the scoundrel once again.  She didn't know what it was about him that she was drawn to, but she was angry at herself for always letting it happen.

They had to figure out how to defeat Isoldor.  And it probably needed to be done before the tithe was due.  Jillian cursed her luck at coming to the evil island right when the tithe was due.  Only once a century, and it just happened to be when they were there.  Alexander wanted to pay the tithe for all the people on the island, including the cursed people in Windfall.  If she didn't know innately that he was evil, she would have already given him the signet ring.  Nothing he had done or said pointed to him being evil.  (How was that possible? Were there really more shades of gray in this world?)

Who should they give the ring to?  Jillian felt in her gut that Silvas was the best and rightful ruler of the city, but they didn't even know where he was, or if the stories about him were true.  And how did Ashley fit into the story?  How could they cure the walking dead? Was a cure even possible? Could the island itself  be cured? How were they doing to defeat Isoldor and get the heart? What if they didn't figure it all out in the 5 days before the tithe was due?

Jillian rubbed her temples.  Being a leader was hard, so very much harder than she had expected.

"Lord Hijama," she prayed, "grant me the wisdom to know what must be done, and the bravery to do it.  Help me to find the answers to the secrets this island bears, and the bravery to face what will come with those answers. Grant me a leader's heart and a follower's faith. In your brave name I pray, amen."